My Different Ending
by The Puce Olive
Summary: Bella, I want to change you. I now know what it feels like to die. Forgive me. Fights. Lies. Tears. Pressure. Death. This is how it ended. FINALLY UPDATED!
1. How it Started

"Don't you dare, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" I screamed as Edward ran after me, at human pace of course, with a water bottle in his hand. It was about 3:30 on a Saturday and we were standing in the Cullen's monstrous backyard.

"Aw, Bella, Bella, Bella. Now, do you honestly think that I would do such a thing as pour water on you?" Edward said in a fake english accent as he pointed to his chest for emphasis. I was so not in the mood for his little "let's play innocent" games.

"Uh, yeah." I knew where this was going, and I didn't like the look of it, at all. He seemed to stop and think about it for a moment as I was slowly trying to walk in the other direction.

"Well, you're probably right," he said thoughtfully as he lunged for my head. And me of course be as smooth as I as am quickly shifted to the side. Apparently not quick enough.

"EDWWARRRD!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as the water seeped into the back of my blue cashmere sweater I had received not even three days before in a package from Renee with a postcard from Hawaii. Her and Phil were currently on their second honey moon, apparently the game was causing them both some major stress. It was a sort of "I love you, I'm just glad you're not here" kind of gift. I turned swiftly on my heel as Alice smashed her pearly white hand in front of her mouth in an attempt to stop the laughter.

I seemed to be the only one who didn't find the situation comical. I bit my lip to keep my tears from overflowing. I don't know why but I seemed to be a little emotional lately. Everything seemed fine with Edward but I was feeling. . .different. About a lot of things, including our relationship.

"Aw, I'm sorry babe," He whispered in my ear as his frosty hands slipped around my waste in an attempt to keep me from storming away. I tried to squirm out of his grasp but he was too strong, my anger seemed to almost match it. Alice seemed to sense my anxiety, so she quietly tip toed back into the house, lightly drawing closed the glass door behind her.

"Get away from me!" I screamed as I was still pointlessly trying to get away , angry tears were dribbling down my chin. Edward seemed to think I was kidding to he just laughed and held tighter.

"Edward I mean it!" He finally started to understand that I wasn't joking, I was totally serious. I've been on edge for awhile now and Charlie's guard dog act was seriously getting old. Edward looked at me nervously as he let go and lifted me effortlessly in front of him so I could face him. I just started at the ground as I roughly brushed my tears away, with my now ruined sweater sleeve.

" Honey, what's wrong with you? I was just trying to have a little fun." He said as he timidly lifted up my chin and tilted his head. I could tell he was genuinely worried.

"Nothing." Definitely something, he just couldn't know that.

Not Yet.


	2. Something Wrong

**Disclaimer: I own Twilight . . .pssht, not!**

**A/N: Ok, hey guys! This is my first fanfic yada, yada, yada. Anywho, just tell me what you think,  ALL comments welcome.**

**On with Gee Show!**

* * *

Chp:

Numero Dos

After getting home and putting my sweater in the drying in high hopes it might actually be savable, which was highly unlikely, I walked into the kitchen. I winched as the cool wood made contact with my skin as I sat down. I thoughtlessly traced the oak patterns with my pinky. For some reason I felt drained. Like everything I wanted I had, so I didn't want it anymore. That's got to be the worst feeling. Completely powerless , helpless. But unfortunately there was just nothing I could do about it. I was to tired to cry, to sob, to even breathe.

For some reason I could hardly keep my eyes open, maybe today's little water episode wore me out. I would have no idea what I'd say to Edward tomorrow, he was fuming when I basically begged for _Alice _to drive me home. I'm sure he still is. But lucky me, he's on a hunting trip with Emmett. He seemed reluctant to stay even though he was furious with, like I cant take care if myself. Well maybe I can't.

It's funny really, how these people. . .these _things_ have been around for decades and they've known me for what? Not even three years, and I am part of their family. As far as I know I'm the only one who has ever gotten to a "past friendship level with them", they love me. And yet I think about them as '_things' _?

So what, now that I've got what I've wanted most in my life and now I want to just throw it all away?

'What's wrong with me?' I thought as I rubbed my eyes roughly with my hands. I was hopeless. And the worst part is I felt my relationship with the Cullen's slipping right through my fingers even with Alice, I should be willing to lay my life down for them like they have for me multiple times, especially for Alice. I loved them, but maybe I wasn't _right_ for them. I choked on the thought, maybe I wasn't right for anyone.

'Oh, just stop it Bella' My mind screamed at me. Maybe I'm just going crazy. That was my best bet.

Everything was blurry, at that point I wasn't sure if it was my vision or my mind. But then again, did it even matter?

I sighed a sigh that an eighteen year old should not make, it was a sad sigh, a tired one. I held a dry sob in the back of my throat, as I lightly banged my head on the edge of the table. I had no idea what I was going to do.

The past few weeks have been . . . Strange. Edward finally seems to be doing what I've been trying to get him to do all along:

Be mine.

He was giving so much attention, always by never leaving, and it seemed every five minutes he was saying that he loved me, and that's what I've wanted all along. Alice told me a few days ago she had a vision. About Edward taking my hand and saying he wants to change me, I would finally be an official member of the Cullen family. While she squealed with joy, all I could do was just stand there. I wanted to become a Cullen, I wanted to be a real family member. I wanted Edward to change me and I wanted to be with him forever.

Didn't I?


	3. A Slight Disagreement

**_A/N:_ okay, so far I apparently have about 200 hits and only 2 reviews? If there's anything you guys like, don't like ect, please give me a review so I can fix it!**

**p.s. I don't own Twilight.

* * *

**

"Dad, you're not being fair and you know it!" I screamed at my father who was standing across the kitchen, looking right at me, arms crossed. Somehow he had found out that Edward has be driving me to school every morning. Apparently this came as quite a shocker to Mr. Police Chief. Edward must have read his thoughts for he had left before I woke up. We had a short chat last night, lots of apologies and kisses, I was okay with that. I think.

"Life isn't fair hun! I told you weeks ago that I didn't feel. . .comfortable with you always hanging around the Cullones--"

"Cullens, Dad." I had a feeling now wasn't exactly the best time to correct him. Apparently I was right. God, I hate Mondays, everyone was always so peppy! Right.

I swear if his face got any redder if would've exploded. I held back a laugh. I wasn't going to stop seeing the Cullens no matter what he said and we both knew it. Things were still tipsy in reference to our relationship but what was I going to do? The thought was ripped form my mind by Charlie 's fists slamming into the gray granite counter.

"I don't give a rat's ass! The point is I told you, I ordered you to stay away from them!" Again with the excessive furniture abuse, poor counter. I was a little taken back, Charlie wasn't known for swearing in front of his daughter or anyone for that matter.

"Come on Dad! Will you just shut up long enough to hear what I have to say?" we both had tempers the size of elephants (**A/N: if elephants even have tempers? Hmm . . **) every time we had a little "disagreement" it usually got pretty loud, pretty quick.

"Bella, I am the parent damnit, and that's final!" Charlie yelled as he turned roughly on his foot and stormed out the door. The whole house shook from the force. Have a good one, Charlie. Hah.

I let out a small sigh of relief, I looked over to the coffee pot: 7:03. Great, I had less then an hour to get ready and eat. Enough time wasted, I decided. So I grabbed a nutrition bar and headed to the stairs. As I reached the top I thought to myself, 'Hey, I actually made it without injuring myself!'. Psych. I tripped on the rug as I reached the last step, slamming my chin on the desk that leaned against the side rails.

Ow. Burning.

I sighed (AGAIN!) as I stumbled into the bathroom, a little disoriented. Super, I had a thin red line of blood that ran from my left cheek to the bottom of my chin.

Ew. Red, sticky, liquid of terror. Ew. I grabbed a wash cloth from under the sink and wiped away the blood, strangely enough it had stopped bleeding already.

I quickly forgot about my cut as I downed the bar, which tasted like stale cardboard, and switched on my flat iron. I tapped my fingers thoughtlessly against the counter and I waited for the little ding.

Tap, tap, tap.

Tap.

Ding!

I ran it rapidly through my hair, unplugged it and brushed my teeth. By the time I was done, it was almost 7:30, the normal time Edward would arrive. I took a quick peak out my bedroom window as I grabbed a hoodie from my closet.

He wasn't there. Maybe Charlie ran him over as he left. I chuckled at the thought, then stopped myself. Why should I even joke about things like that? Aw well, apparently I was driving myself today.

I ran down the stairs, falling down the last three, grabbed my back, shut off the lights and headed for the door, keys in hand. My truck took a few minutes to warm up, I turned the radio dial up (Emmett reinstalled a new one) on one of my favorite songs. Me banging my head against the music, didn't notice that I had already pulled into the parking lot. I must have went a tad bit faster than I thought as I smiled sheepishly. Edward would be proud.

Speaking of Edward I grinned as I saw my favorite vampire, tiredly leaning against his Volvo. Well at least he looks less hungry, I thought as I jumped put of the truck. Edward was walking slowly toward me with exaggerated slowness. Maybe today things would get better. Actually he didn't look to happy.

Maybe not.

* * *

So what'd you think?

I've got a busy week so I'll try to get teh next chp. up by 12/20!

Adios!

The one, The only.


	4. Help Me

**Disclaimer: Uh huh . . .**

**A/N: OKAY ALRIGHT ALREADY! Jeeze, I know I haven't updated in a while, by a while I mean 3 months anywho, School has been really sucky and I've just had ALOT to do . . . here we go . . . . **

* * *

Chp 4.

Help.

I walked gingerly up to Edward, who was looking quite nice today I might add. Stop it Bella, now is not the time to swoon. Ugh, today was not going so well and by the look on Edward's face, he wasn't about to make it any better. I was not even five steps away when my foot just happened to stumble over a pebble. Whoo. I was in Edward's tight grasp before I had time to flinch. I have to admit just the smell of him was enough to make me a little less irritable. Just a little.

"Don't you ever get tired of saving me?" I asked as I looked up to meet his blazing eyes. Darker today. He just smiled as he pulled me closer to his chest. "Never, I love you Bella." he spoke softly as he stroked my cheek. I guess I didn't notice it before, but his dark circles were very prominent today. Almost purple. "Are you okay?" I asked as I pulled away a little to study his face. His eyes immediately clouded over as he pushed me away, I stumble backwards.

"Yes Bella, I'm just fine okay?" he said as he pulled his marble hands through his hair. His tone was a tad bit louder than necessary, I flinched at his coldness. Unfortunately my eyes were already starting to pool with tears, I wasn't used to this rigidness. Edward, immediately realizing his effect on me, let out a deep aggravated sigh and pulled me once again to his chest. This was strange, something was definitely wrong. "I'm so sorry Bella. Today has just been a . . . difficult day. With Charlie figuring everything out and Alice just not . . . Ugh, just never mind." I was surprised at the way he was struggling with words.

"It's fine Honey, just don't worry about it okay?" I said soothingly as I hugged him closer to me. "I've just been real stressed and I'm sorry I took it out on you." he whispered softly in my ear. This is what I missed, his closeness. Over the past few months with graduation coming up so quickly, we've all been so wrapped up in "my situation" to notice anything else.

"Ah, you smell so good," he spoke as he glided his nose down the length of my jaw, he stopped maybe an inch above my chin. Above my cut. Oh, crap. He seemed to notice when I flinched at the realization because he pulled back to look into my eyes. I held back a gasp as I noticed his eye color. Pitch black. I automatically put my hands up to his chest and started to push against him, I wanted to go. I didn't feel at all comfortable with him looking at me like that, not at all. I tried to get away but he just hung on tighter.

"Edward, let me go!" I yelled as he ignored my struggles. "Bella what is wrong with you?" he asked, puzzled but still not letting me have a inch of slack. "Let go of me!" I yelled a little louder, hysterics starting to come into play. "No, not until you tell me what's wrong." I looked around the parking lot, looking for someone to help me. Alice and Jasper were a hundred feet away, strangely they didn't seem to notice. Then I spotted someone. Mike Newton. He was the only one who seemed to be looking towards us. I looked at him pleadingly and he jogged almost ran to where me and Edward were standing.

"Dude, I think you need to let her go," Mike said boldly to Edward. Edward at once shot his head up to face Mike. "What the hell do you want, little boy?" Edward said, throwing daggers at him. "Let me go Edward!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. This got Alice and Jasper's attention, they were by my side in less than three seconds. "Just let her go man, she obviously doesn't want you." Mike said as his eyes bored into Edward's. I could tell that, that comment had hit Edward, deep. I couldn't help myself, I started cry. Edward's arms were still tight around me, like he just didn't understand that I didn't want to be near him. "That's enough." Alice said calmly as Jasper tried to pull Edward's arms away from me, Jasper uttering a small growl in the process. I have a feeling I wasn't supposed to hear that.

"I said let her go Edward!" Alice's voice seemed to shake the cars around us. As if he came out of a trace, Edward pushed me away, hard. I feel against a white dodge van behind me. I yelped at the impact and feel to the ground, Edward lunged to help me but Jasper forcefully held him back, boulder against boulder. Mike was already their helping me up, dusting me off.

Edward's eyes lighted suddenly as he looked deep into mine. He knew what I was thinking, I was afraid of what I saw there, and he was ashamed. He roughly pushed Jasper's arms away, glared at me and strode away, Jasper not far behind him. Alice looked at me pleadingly, debating whether to go to me or her brother, I shooed her away affectionately. She smiled at me and went to quickly catch up to her husband and brother.

I lightly untangled myself from Mike's grasp and turned to face him. Thank you was all I could say before walking away and bursting into tears.

* * *

**A/N: So what do you guys think? I hate to have to do this but can I have one review before next chp? JUST ONE! I NEED IMPUT! More than one would be just superb . . **


	5. Coffee & near death experiences

Disclaimer: Yeah.

Okay well I must say this is by FAR the best chp, of the yet! I finally wrote a chp. that I put some time into! Yay for me! I jsut want to thank the fanfiction-ers who read this piece of . . . ahem . . . anywho you guys make this possible! I love you!

* * *

The rest of the day passed without my notice. The Cullens hadn't made a reappearance and I was trying to avoid Mike as much as possible. It was working until lunch. After placing my books into my locker and slamming it shut, I backed into something hard.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered under my breath, so only Edward would hear.

"Sorry for what?," asked an unexpected voice.

I turned around so swiftly my shoe slipped on the linoleum. This time it wasn't Edward that caught me. But Mike instead. Oh, crap. This was not a conversation I wanted to have right now. The air seemed to immediately get sucked out of the crowded hallway.

"Oh um, nothing." I said lamely.

He seemed a little confused, worried maybe.

"Are you sure you're okay Bella?"

He reached out to touch my arm but I flinched back voluntarily. He seemed hurt by my gesture for his arm dropped almost immediately.

"Listen Bella, would you mind-"

I cut him off. This was not the time for asking me out.

"Listen Mike, today has been a rough day and I can't go out with you-"

"Oh Bella, I wasn't going to ask you out on a date. Just uh. . ."

My face immediately relaxed in relief.

"I was actually wondering if you um, wanted to get some coffee?" he said softly, his eyes on the floor.

Uh,wow.

"Right now?" I whispered in equal softness. I don't know why I was so

breathless.

"Yeah, but I get it . . . If you'd rather not. Because of-"

"I would love to."

The words were out of my mouth before I even realized it. So that was that. Mike and I ditched lunch and he drove downtown. Funny I never realized how close it was, maybe six or seven miles from my house. After about ten minutes in the car, we arrived at a very pleasant looking brick building. Before long we were walking through the doorway.

Wind chimes softly clinked as we were greeted by a middle-aged woman, with a gray braid that reached halfway down her back. Her clothes were somewhat hippy-ish. I smiled, I liked this place already. The woman, Brae was her name, lead us to a small table, located right in front next to a large stained glass window.

Not long after, we were seated with a white chocolate latte for Mike and a chai tea latte for myself. I sipped my drink greedily, as I leaned back slightly in my chair. Me savoring the delicate notes of rose and deeper hints of jasmine that filled the air. This was truly a beautiful place, I must think about taking Edward here sometime.

_Edward._

Mike must have sensed what I was thinking for he quickly brought up topics to talk about. It's funny how quickly time does fly when you're enjoying yourself. Our table was full of empty tea cups and glasses, lots of refills. I turned my head slowly to face the window the sky was dark and it had started to rain.

I feared I would be late for dinner with Charlie. It was time to go.

"Bella I really had a great time tonight, maybe we could do it again." Mike stated

openly.

I gave him a tired look. As my fingers lightly traced the mosaic surface of the

table. The navy and pearl tiles were in a moon shape.

"It would be as friends of course," he said smiling.

He caught himself quickly, I smiled back. Maybe I would grow to like Mike. But as he said it, just as friends of course.

"I would love too." I said reassuringly.

We signaled to Brae that we were finished and she handed up the tab, Mike went to grab a few bills form his wallet but I stopped him. I don't like it when people buy me things. After a short argument he agreed to let me have my way and we both ended up laughing.

Things we going great until I stopped laughing to realize his deep gaze was on my face. His movemenst were so unexpectly I didn't have time to move.

His lips pressed ever so lightly against my own. Pure shock kept me from pushing him away. Finally when I came to my senses, I did. He seemed upset.

"What Bella? What are you waiting for? Do you not see it? He doesn't want you anymore!" he rasped out, louder than necessary.

I stumbled backwards as the words hit me full force, tears making streaks down my cheeks. No, that wasn't it at all. No. Mike just didn't understand how much Edward and I mean to each other. How could things go from so good to so bad in a matter of seconds?

The once warm, inviting room seemed to all of a sudden get dark, cold. The air felt heavy in my lungs. I had to get away. I grabbed my bag and started for the door. Mike pulled me back.

"Bella, you can't go, it's pouring rain outside!," he said quickly, desperately. "Why do you keep fighting this?"

I couldn't answer, but I could leave. Which was exactly what I did. I pushed my way out through the door, out to the busy street corner. The fresh air instantly calmed my mood, less frightened but still angry. I for once, was thankful for the pouring rain. It disguised my tears. I ran quickly across the street.

I must've not noticed the stream of cars speeding across the way, for I ran out right in front of one. The black SUV swerved wildly, missing me only by inches. The driver honked frantically as he drove down the road.

That was just too much. My knees buckled and I sank uncontrollably to the ground. The asphalt felt warm and wet against my skin. I don't know how long I stayed there, the street beneath me. But that didn't matter for all I could think about was that beautiful bronze haired vampire. My vampire.

"I'm sorry Edward," was all I managed to get out as I got up and started the walk home.

* * *

**So . . . . did you like? or hate? Okay, give me five more reviews . . or more, whichever you prefer. hah.**

**The one & only.**


	6. Musings in the Rain

**Disclaimer: Uh huh.**

**A/N: Mmk. Another chapter I am half way proud of! My fav. yet! What can I say I had some very interesting . . . inspiration. haha. Anyhoo I did pick songs for this chp, the first half is "Crawling" by Linkin park. 2nd half of chp should be "I miss you" by Incubus. Please just look them up on youtube or something cuz I think they are crucialfor this . . . uh, 'reading experience.' On with gee show . . .**

* * *

Those were the longest six miles in existence. The rain was pouring down harder and it had started to sprinkle small dots of hail. It was nearly two hours later when I finally reached the wet, black pavement of my driveway. Charlie's cruiser wasn't there, fishing trip. I sighed in relief, the last thing I wanted to do was to have to explain myself.

I was about fifteen feet from the front steps when I abruptly stopped. Out of everything in the world I could only think up one question: Why did I hate the rain?

I turned around to face the familiar landscape of my front yard. Funny, summer after summer I've walked up the same gravel path to the front door. I've sat under the same oak tree while I've read classic novels again and again. And yet I have never before marveled at the simple beauty. The gentle rustle of the lilies blowing in the wind of my little garden. The sound if the acorns as they hit the moist earth beneath them. The lovely pitter patter of the rain hitting the ground around me. It was all so simple, it was all so beautiful.

And to think I had never even gave it a thought. By now I was so drenched my tears just blended into the rain making trails down my face. I tired to keep my sobs deep in my chest, but they ended up coming out anyway. By this time I didn't even remember why I was crying, other than the oblivious. What the hell I thought? Their was no one to hear me, no one to be disturbed.

So I cried.

And cried. And cried.

All the while bringing my arms above my head, reaching for the heaven that seemed a million miles away. But in fact it wasn't. All I had to do was call and he'd come running. 'I love Edward', that's all I could say to myself. But did I believe it? I hated him for loving me, couldn't he see I didn't deserve him? But most of all, I hated myself for not being able to love him back. I was still making sense of the way he looked at me, with the burning fire of endless love, embedded deep in his eyes. And now he wanted me to marry him.

His words ran through in my head over and over again. All whispering the same thing.

I couldn't hold back any longer, I turned my face towards my hands, towards the sky, and screamed.

I screamed at the top of my lungs, then stopping quickly to suck in another gasp of air to repeat the process. After about five minutes I was so exhausted I fell to the flooded ground my lips almost making contact

with the ground. Waves of hysteria spread through my body like endless darkness. Similar to the almost black sky.

I flipped over onto my back, the rain somehow managed to make its way into every inch of my face. I opened my mouth and for some reason, breathed deeply inward. Almost instantly my throat filled with water. Coughing and gasping I turned on my side. The second time today, cheek to concrete. I took me several coughs to clear it all out. When I finished I was exhausted and my throat was raw. All I needed was him. But did I want him?

"Oh, Edward." I spoke in a hoarse whisper.

Soon after, the rain fell from the dark angry sky, into my eyes. My vision became distorted, so I closed my eyes in an attempt to clear them. That' when I realized how tired I actually was, it had been a very long day.

What an understatement I thought to myself, I sniffled. I would just lay here for awhile, after all the rain falling around me somehow soothed me. That's it, just close my eyes for a little while.

I'm not sure how long I laid there, drifting between consciousness as the thunder roared above me. My limbs felt heavy and sounds and sights were hazy.

Sometime after, I briefly remember feeling the chill of hands lightly grazing my rain soaked face. The sweet music of a familiar lullaby flowing from stone cold lips into my ear. The sound ran in soothing waves from the top of my head to the very tips of my toes. I would have smiled but I was just too tired.

Then the music stopped.

* * *

Oh! Gee wonder who that could be? Tune in next week for the continuation of . . . . . . My Different Ending . . .dun dun DUH!

Review, 5 please, you know the deal.


	7. Phone calls & bathroom floors

**Disclaimer: Oh, By the way did you guys know I own Twilight?! That's just why I'm writing a story about it on Fanfiction. Mmhmm.**

**Ok! I'm sorry it has been forever since last time. But I've been busy. I Graduated 8th. Woo. Anywhoo, thanks for EVERYONE who reviewed. I love you guys. XD.**

* * *

The room was dimly lit, the walls were spinning and my stomach was in my throat. As I opened my eyes I felt a weight lift from my bed. I didn't have to look to know who it was.

"Bella, what the hell were you thinking!?" He screamed so loud, I was sure the windows shook.

I swiftly sat up, the covers spilling around me. I put my hands to my throbbing head and gritted my teeth.

"You don't have to yell at me like I'm a child, Edward."

He face was almost red with anger. Almost.

"Then don't act like a goddamn child! Answer my question, Bella!" He yelled as he took a step towards my bed.

"I don . . . I don't . . . know." I said as my teeth chattered. I was cold. It was mid summer, my windows were shut and the heat was on. I wasn't sure what I had, but whatever it was, was absolutely miserable.

"You don't know? Bella I need a better excuse than that!" I could tell he was hurt. It showed in the way he stood and in his eyes.

"It was just coffee Edward." I tried to explain as I got up from my bead. Me stumbling as my head swarmed.

"Oh, it was just coffee, was it? Come on Bella, tell me he didn't kiss you?"

I winced at the memory, but remained quiet, I didn't need to explain myself to him.

"Tell me Bella." He said as he slightly tilted his head.

He had put me in a place that I didn't want to go.

"Edward, I'm really not in the mood for this now." I said quietly as I leaned against my door frame for support. Another wave of nausea made waves in my stomach. I squeezed my eyes shut as bile rose in my throat.

"That doesn't matter if you want to Isabella!" He cut out bitterly. For a brief moment I wondered if he had completely lost his mind. Luckily, we were interrupted as the phone rang. I didn't make an effort to hide my relief as I grabbed the cordless on my dresser and pressed it to my ear.

"Hello?" I answered cautiously.

"Bella!" Mike's warm voice flooded into my ear.

Oh God. Out of all the people in the world it just had to be him.

"Um, hi." I said as all color drained of my face.

"Bella, I was so worried about you! Why wouldn't you have just let me drive you home?"

"I think you know why." I said though gritted teeth.

"Bella," he said desperately, "You don't understand. We need to talk."

"No we don't!" That, without a doubt was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

"Listen to me! Just give me another chance! Let me come and get you, we can grab something to eat."

I couldn't conceal my shock as I screamed into the receiver.

"That's the last thing I would ever think to do! How dare you even call me after what's happened!"

Whatever he was about to say I will never hear for I slammed the phone down and headed towards the hall, leading to the bathroom. I felt the room darken then become bright again. That wasn't good.

"That was him wasn't it?!" Edward said as he grabbed both my shoulders and shook me slightly.

"Edward, stop." He was scaring me.

"No." He growled from deep inside his chest. He didn't understand that I had no feelings for Mike. At all.

"Please Edward." I felt as if my insides were tangled in barbed wire.

"Do you love him, Bella?" He asked urgently.

I could have almost laughed. But then I was to anger. How dare he.

"What the hell do you think Edward?!" I hissed as the headache increased.

At that time he didn't seem the least bit concerned about my health. All he did was just blankly stare at me. I couldn't take it anymore. I stomped down the hall until I was about two feet from the bathroom door. I whipped around to face him.

"And why should I anyway?!" I screamed as my eyes watered.

Edward just stared at me incredulously as he held the tops of my arms with his stone cold hands.

"He doesn't kiss me, he doesn't look at me, he doesn't hold me! He doesn't even love me anymore!" My voice was bordering on hysterics and the twirling walls weren't helping either.

Edward visibly paled, eyes toward the floor.

"Is that what you think?" He spoke so quietly I wasn't sure I was meant to hear it.

I didn't need to make any movements, he knew.

"We're not talking about Mike anymore are we?" He whispered as his hands dropped from my arms and he stepped back. The hurt on his grecian features quickly hardened into anger. His fists were clenched by his sides. He just stared up at me. He wasn't saying anything and it was just so like him. Little old Edward, never showing emotion, never letting me inside. If there was ever a time for him to open up to me, now would be it.

I patiently waited for him to come to his senses, for him to take me into his arms and hold me. That moment didn't come. And I was so damn angry.

"No, we're not!" I whispered harshly as I slammed the bathroom door shut. I pushed my back against the door and slid to the ground, head in my hands. I heard his quiet footsteps come to the door and stop right in front of it. He didn't move from that spot for a least ten minutes.

The worst part of it all was that all we had was the door between us. If he really wanted to he could break it down. I waited to hear the cracking of the hinges, but no. All I was left with was silence as he walked downstairs and out the door.

That night I slept a dreamless sleep against the freezing bathroom floor.

With the weight of the world pressing against my chest.

* * *

**Uh, so yeah. 5 reviews as usual. Til next time.**


	8. Wires on the inside

**Disclaimer: Uh huh.**

**A/n: Ok well, normally i'd say enjoy but for this chp. it just doesn't seem fitting. God, this one really hurt to write.**

**Here we go.**

* * *

I awoke with a heavy heart and a knot in my neck. The skylight spread a light gray color across the bathroom. It must have been early morning. My stomach grumbled, my head ached and it felt like at any time I would crack into a million pieces and blow away. I stretched as I picked myself off the cold linoleum. I winced at the loud creak of the door. It's not like I had to be quiet, Charlie had already left, his door was open. As I headed towards the stairs the floor crinkled as I stepped on it. Under my right foot was a small piece of paper, folded several times. It was a note. 

I gingerly picked it up and unfolded it until it was flat in my hands. My eyes quickly scanned the paper.

_Dearest Bella,_

_I understand you seem to be stressed lately, maybe even a little over emotional. I am sorry if I am the cause of this. I've taken it upon myself to leave town for a few days, a hunting trip if you will, to give you some time to consider what I'm about to offer you. Isabella, since the first moment I laid my eyes on you, I have loved you as my own flesh. You gave life to my black heart with you kinds words and actions. I have come to my decision, I think it will be best for all of us if I changed you. Yes, you've read that right. Well it's time for me to go. I'll be back soon. I love you Isabella Swan._

_Stay safe,_

_Edward_

I was shaking as I reread the last lines for the thousandth time. It had been all I wanted, all I could think about for the past year. But now . . .now it was all different. I took a deep breathe as the paper fell from my hands. The walls started to cave in, my heart beat faster and I was shaking so hard I clenched to keep them from chattering. I felt sick as I realized what I had to do.

Edward had come to his conclusion and so had I:

I didn't want to be changed and even if it killed me, which it probably would, I had to leave him. I had to tell him, them. All I could think of was the faces, their faces. My heart came to my throat as I realized:

I would never again hear Emmett's hearty laugh that came from somewhere deep in his chest, the way his big brotherly arm seemed to fit perfectly around my shoulders. I would never get to soak in the gentle motherly glow of Esme's love for her children, a love I hadn't received from my own mother. Also the way Carlisle was both Father and friend, he loved his children in some ways humans could not.

Never again would I have the endless shopping trips from Alice, my best friend. My sister. I could just see it, her kind and forgiving eyes squeezed shut at the news of me leaving, it would hurt her. I would miss the helpful advice Jasper would give without even meaning to. I would never get to prove to Rosalie that I'm more than just a girl.

And Edward. Never again to feel the love he has for me. The love that radiates through every cell of his being. I would miss it. I would more than miss it. And the worst part was I knew, he would never forgive me.

But what was I to them other than a silly little human? Because no matter what they said or didn't, that's what I was, what I am. Nothing other than Bella. Silly Bella. I needed them, they didn't need me. I was a distraction. I was nothing.

But I loved them. I loved them so much.

And as much as it killed to admit it, they'd be better off without me.

So that was that, it was decided.

I wrote a note to Charlie, and placed it on the counter. He'd understand. He'd have to.

I didn't have to worry about the Cullens, they were on a family hunting trip till Sunday night, it was Friday.

I'd have plenty of time to make this a "clean break" as Edward once put it.

I ran up the stairs and gathered my things, and shoved them into my green suitcase.

All but one: a simple blue sweater. One that Edward seemed to favor on more than one occasion. I folded it and gently placed it on the edge of my bed, smoothing out the wrinkles. I winced at the sudden clench in my heart, the thought of a certain bronzed hair vampire, sitting in the exact place I was now. Only he'd be clutching the blue cloth to his chest, his face scrunched in an attempt to bring the tears that just couldn't come.

I quickly stood up and shook my head in disgust. Disgust of myself and what I was doing. I didn't want to hurt him like he'd hurt me, but it seems as I'm leaving for the same reason he'd left me. I had caused too much trouble for the Cullens and they had been nothing but kind to me. He deserved better, they all did.

I grabbed my suitcase and took a moment to look back at my room as I flipped off the light switch. I pulled my bags down the stairs and out the front door. My lungs were crashing against my ribs as I loaded my truck up and got behind the wheel. The sky had darkened and the clouds started to bleed. The rain splashed my skin as I shut the door and started down a back road. It was basically abandoned, I was alone except for a black car.

A million thoughts darted across the walls of my mind. Are they going to miss me? Is Charlie? Renee? What was I going to do? How long would it take him to realize I had gone?

I wasn't paying attention as the black car came closer, it swerved, missing me by only inches. I was frozen stiff.

"Lady, what the hell are you doing?! I've got my family in here!" The diver yelled.

I had a family. Once.

"I'm sorry," I rasped out the window, but you couldn't hear my voice over the thunder. The car had already driven off.

"I'm sorry." I repeated, quieter this time.

"I didn't want to be a job for you," I spoke softly to nothing. "I just want you to love me, I just want to stay. I'm so sorry Edward," I whispered as I began to cry.

I pulled off to the side of the gravel road, clutching at my chest. I was sobbing so hard it felt like I was going to burst into a million pieces. Bile burned my throat. The ocean was pouring from my eyes. My insides were tangled in wire that pulled tighter ever time I let out a breath. But my heart. My heart crumbled into dust and blew away. I closed my eyes and laid my head against the cold metal of the steering wheel.

I think I was dying.

* * *

**Dodges sharp objects.**

**I'm sure there a few of you are ready to throw your computer across the room and I must say that there is reason for this, okay? I promise. And please if your going to give me a review lecturing me about how ths could never happen in the book or they're so OOC, don't bother. I know they are, that's the point.**

**5 reviews as norm.**

**Til next time.**


	9. Figurings of the Past

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight._

_A/N:_

_Long time no see, eh kiddies? Whats it been now, 6 months? I know I am a horibble person. But hey I promised I'd update eventually! ;)_

_Anyway, i just want you guys to know that i really dislike the first 4-5 chps. of this, I'll probably end up rewriting them somethime in the near future, well without further_

_a due: Chap. 10!_

_

* * *

_

_Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom._

The gentle sound of rustling leaves awoke me. With a gasp I opened my eyes and immediately jerked up to a sitting position. Pushing through the remaining blackness of heavy sleep. My mouth fell open as a shining sun splashed golden rays across my face. The steady warmth flooded down my throat at filled my insides. I turned to the side and coughed. It was as if I had been underwater. But that was impossible. Or was it? I actually had no idea where I was, no recollection at all of what had happened.

All I realized was the beautiful landscape before me. The sun was high in the sky and a pond shimmered teal in the distance, along with hundreds maybe thousands of trees. Their colored leaves cascaded around me as I stood up. I was in absolute awe, the leaves, it was as if . . . They were talking.

But in fact they weren't leaves at all. As I looked around my feet I realized exactly what they were. Memories. My memories. Every single one, tiny piece of my life. Like little tv's imbedded into each individual surface. I bent down, examining them further. I gingerly picked one up, wincing as the absolute coolness shocked me. Like it had be sitting in snow for hours before hand. It was as if I little shock radiated to the top of my air. Pleasant. I turned it over, curious as to what it revealed. It was me, walking in the rain to school. Nothing too unusual. I almost dropped it, wanting to find something more exciting, but something stopped me. Then I saw it. There was a boy, a beautiful bronze haired boy. The most beautiful boy I had ever seen in fact. He smiled as he gently took my books from my hands. I smiled back and tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear.

That was intriguing. I had never seen him before. I was sure, if I had I would have remembered. But there were more. One of us laying in what seemed to be a patch of grass with trees around. Somewhat like a meadow. His skin was . . . Sparkly. I tired to break through the tiny shield in my hand. I wanted to touch him, his skin. I was startled as the leaf like memory crumbled into a small pile of white dust. I instantly let it slip through my fingers and wiped my hands on my jeans. That was odd, but it didn't matter. I wanted to see more.

Eagerly I started running through the field over turning every piece I could find. Giggling at some, snorting at others. I found one in particular especially amusing. I had just turned four and had received a finger paint set for my birthday, from Daddy. Charlie. And Renee had just purchased new plush white carpet. I smiled, I knew what was going to happen. It was a Sunday afternoon and Mom had refused to take me to the park. Well I had nothing else to do, so why not paint? That was my four year old reasoning. I dipped my finger into the red and dragged it across my paper. I repeated it with the green and blue. Only getting the carpet twice. Before long I got out of control. Why not, I though to myself, why not paint mommy a picture. After 5 minutes or so I had finished. Along with two people I added a misshaped heart in the middle. It was beautiful. So I thought. Renee shrieked and my artistic privileges were taken away. Snort.

It was as if every time I picked up an image of my past the memory suddenly embedded itself back into my mind. All except the ones with the bronze haired boy. I searched through near by piles, ignoring ones with past ballet recitals, driving lessons and the like. Then abruptly I stopped. I had found one.

We were laying in my bed, my hair wet. I looked quite warm under the quilt despite the cold shock it was sending into my hand. I watched more. His hand gently pressed my head to his chest and I seemed perfectly content to stay there. He whispered into my ear and I smiled. I blushed, where did that come from? There was a slight crunching sound and I raised my head to look around. A black shadow fleeted across a tree. Probably a bird I thought. Instantaneously the sky darkened from a beautiful blue to a dark gray. I shivered, it was time to go. But as I looked back into my hand all that was left of that memory was, once again, a small pool of white dust. I dropped it, more shadows ran across the trees.

My heart began to beat faster. I needed more comfort, more reassurance. I looked around my feet for more bits of the boy. To my relief there was once located about six inched from my right foot. I rapidly picked up, sharply inhaling at the drastic change in temperature. It wasn't cold like I expected, but hot. Strange. I looked deep into it, I was running in some parking lot towards him. After hours it seemed I reached him. But as soon as I had fell into his stony embrace, I jumped back as he made a deep growl in his throat. I stared up into his eyes and a shriek escaped my mouth. His eyes were black. I quickly tired to drop the image but it seemed to stick to my hand. After using both hands to pry it off, it finally came loose and crumpled into dust. As it disappeared into the wind I felt a deep stabbing pain in my chest.

Behind laid another one. It burnt my fingers as I picked it up, even hotter than before. This time I was running into a bathroom and slammed the door. He followed behind and slammed his fists against the frame. I laid my head to the floor as he stood behind the door. The pain in my chest intensified. "Break it down!" I screamed into my palm. "Just break down the door!" It was know use. It had already happened.

Before I had time to think it burst and floated to the ground. I became aware that I could hear my heart beating. All around me, like the sound was radiating form the core of the ground. I felt it dig into every fiber of my being. The agonizing ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom. I pulled at my ears to try to stop the sound but it just got louder and louder. I desperately looked around, I could barely see, the sun was gone and the sky was almost black.

My heart started to beat franticly now as I ripped through the reaming piles. They all disintegrated, some before I had time to touch them. Ba-boom, ba-boom, I grimaced at the sound. It felt as if my heart was on fire.

All but one, about thirty feet away. I sprinted towards it. This was my last hope. I choked on a sob as I placed the memory in my hand. My head was against a steering wheel and I was crying. He was nowhere near by, I could feel that. My heart started to burn as I grasped my chest. I needed to leave. Now. I desperately tried to shake the image from my hand but it was no use. I cried out in pain as the scolding image tried to bury itself further into my palm, into my being. No.

"NO!", I screamed at the sky as I fell to my knees. I pushed my hands harshly against my ears, trying to rid that horrible sound. It felt like the into world was compressing onto my chest, my heart was beating so fast is was going to burst. My head was pounding in rhythm to my heart. My brain was being ripped apart, I was in so much pain I could barely think.

I shouted the only thing that came to mind. "EDWARD!", I screamed. "Edward help me! Please!" Edward, who was that?

Then it all came flooding back. The meadow. Our nights together. He loved me. Then the bad ones: That night at the café with Mike. Walking home in the rain, crying against the pavement. Jealousy, I slammed the door. His note, Bella I want to change you. Packed my suitcases, left the note. He left. He's gone, he's gone. I screamed as loud as I possibly could, there was no escape. "EDWARD I LOVE YOU!"A sharp electric current ran through me.

_BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM._

I opened my eyes.

_A/N: So as usual, input is superb. Let's get 10 reviews this time, kay?_

_;)_


	10. Well?

-1Hey guys, long time no see, eh? I know I haven't been updating this regularly and that's gotten on some people's nerves (you know who you are!). Truth is I'm just not sure if I should continue on with this story. With the release of Breaking Dawn so close it kinda seems silly to continue with a story that occurs at the end of twilight. So I'm leaving it up to you: Shall I continue or not? Feel free to review or pm me with your opinion.

Thanks Darlings,

;)


End file.
